Thursday, 19 July 2018

It's been a long time...

When I look at my last post I find it hard to believe how much has changed since then. Everything had been alright then: I was pregnant with my second baby looking forward to the birth and my sister had just told us that she was expecting as well. But shortly afterwards she began to show signs of a miscarriage and the day before I had my baby boy we learned that there wouldn't be a baby for my sister. And though it's hard to describe the ups and downs, the feeling of alternating bliss at the birth of a healthy son and desperate heartache at my sister's miscarriage, I can only guess how much worse this time must have been for Marina. And as if this hasn't been enough, worse was to come. It began with a pain in her chest and a few weeks and several tests later she was diagnosed with lung cancer. There was a sense of unreality about it when we first heard it. I was in a state of shock for a few days, my whole world seemed to have been shook. I didn't intend to continue this blog, it made me so sad to see my last post and having to write about what happened. But it's a strange thing: it's impossible to stay in a continual state of shock and despair. Somehow life went on and now we've become used to Marina's illness. We don't accept it of course: there is this determination that we won't allow it to get the better of her. And although there is not much we can really do for her ( that's up to the doctors), we try to do everything to help her get through this: if it's a chat, an uplifting quote, a massage or some baked goods. At least you don't feel completely useless and powerless. And if there is one good thing that has come out of this terrible diagnosis it's that it created an even stronger bond between us sisters and our mam.
With more positive feelings taking over, I realised that I had used my sister's illness as a pretext to discontinuing this blog.  Of course it's hard to find time to write now with a second child who's only a few months old. But I started writing this blog because I wanted to try and find time for creative things amidst everyday life. So I decided to come back to it.